Sometimes people drift out of our lives without anything dramatic happening.
Life gets busy. We move, change jobs, have families, lose touch. A message goes unanswered, then too much time passes, and eventually getting back in contact somehow feels harder than it should.
You might think about someone often and still have absolutely no idea what to say.
The good news is that you don’t need the perfect opening. You just need an honest one.
How do you message someone after years of no contact?
Start simply.
You don’t need to explain the entire history of your friendship in the first message, and you don’t necessarily need to apologise for how much time has passed.
Sometimes acknowledging it is enough:
I know it’s been far too long, but I was thinking about you today and realised I didn’t want to let even more time pass without saying hello.
Or:
You crossed my mind today and I wondered how you are. It feels ridiculous that we’ve let so much time go by.
Or simply:
I’ve thought about getting in touch with you so many times. Today I decided to actually do it.
The best message is usually the one that sounds most like you.
What if it feels awkward?
It probably will, a little.
When you haven’t spoken for years, it can feel as though your first message needs to somehow account for all that missing time.
It doesn’t.
You are simply opening a door.
You don’t know what has happened in the other person’s life since you last spoke, so try not to put pressure on them to respond in a particular way. A gentle message gives them room to decide what happens next.
You could say:
No pressure at all to reply. I just wanted you to know that I still think of you fondly and hope life has been kind to you.
What if you were the one who disappeared?
Then a little honesty can go a long way.
You don’t need to write an enormous apology unless there is something specific you genuinely need to apologise for.
Try:
I know I’m the one who let contact slip, and I’m sorry about that. There wasn’t a particular reason. Life just seemed to get in the way, and suddenly far too much time had passed.
Then say the thing that actually matters:
I’ve missed knowing what’s happening in your life.
Don’t wait for a perfect reason
We often tell ourselves we’ll get in touch when there’s a birthday, Christmas, some news to share or another obvious excuse.
You don’t need one.
“I was thinking about you” is a reason.
So is:
“I miss you.”
And so is:
“I don’t want another year to go by without getting in touch.”
Sometimes the most important messages we send aren’t prompted by an occasion at all.
They’re simply things we’ve been meaning to say.
A little VIN ending
If there’s someone you’ve been thinking about but you’re struggling to find the words, VeryImportantNotes can help you work out what you really want to say and put it into your own voice.
Because sometimes the hardest part isn’t knowing that you want to reconnect.
It’s knowing how to begin.
