It’s one of the hardest conversations to start. You love your parents, you want the best for them, and you want to make sure their wishes are always respected — but how do you ask without sounding morbid, intrusive, or ungrateful?
Many of us feel the same. We sense that the time is coming to ask about wills, care preferences, or end-of-life choices, but the words get stuck. We don’t want to upset them. We don’t want to make them feel old. So we say nothing, and the silence lingers.
But the truth is, these conversations aren’t about death. They’re about love, reassurance, and dignity.
Why It Matters
When families don’t talk about wishes, loved ones are left to make guesses in difficult times. That can lead to stress, guilt, and even disagreements. But when wishes are spoken, written down, and shared, there’s peace. Everyone knows where they stand.
As one daughter told us:
“When Mum wrote her wishes down, I stopped worrying about saying the wrong thing. I could just focus on being her daughter again.”
How to Broach the Subject Gently
It doesn’t have to be awkward. Small steps help:
Start with love. “I want to make sure you always get what you want — that’s all this is about.”
Make it about them. “What would make life easier or more comfortable for you in the years ahead?”
Share your own notes. Sometimes beginning with your own plans makes it easier: “I’ve written down a few of my wishes. Would you like to do the same?”
Keep it practical, not heavy. These are notes for living as much as for later. They can include favourite meals, music for celebrations, or even who should water the plants.
Notes as Bridges
Very Important Notes exists to help with exactly this — making the hard conversations easier. Our prompts and templates give parents (and children) a way to put thoughts on paper without it feeling like a lecture or an interrogation.
Because once the words are written down, everyone can relax. The wishes are clear. The love is certain.
You don’t need the perfect words to start the conversation. You just need the intention — to care, to listen, to make sure your parents’ voices are heard.
VIN can’t have the conversation for you, but it can hold the notes that come from it. Notes that say: “This is who I am, and this is what I want.” Notes that will bring peace, not questions.
Because sometimes the greatest gift we can give our parents is to show that their wishes will always come first.
Gentle Conversation Starters for Parents’ Wishes
Everyday Life & Comfort
“What’s something that makes you feel really comfortable and happy these days?”
“If you had one perfect Sunday, how would you spend it?”
“Is there a routine or little ritual you’d love us to keep going for you?”
Memories & Storytelling
“What’s a memory you’d love me to pass down to the family?”
“Which recipe or tradition do you hope we’ll always keep alive?”
“What’s one story about your life that you don’t want to be forgotten?”
Care & Wishes
“If you ever needed help, what would matter most to you in how you’re looked after?”
“What kind of place or environment feels most like home to you?”
“Are there things you’d really like us to know about your wishes for the future?”
Personal Touches
“Is there a song, poem, or piece of music that means the world to you?”
“Who do you want to make sure is always included in family occasions?”
“Are there small things — like favourite foods or hobbies — that would make a big difference if you weren’t able to choose for yourself?”
VIN’s Role
Very Important Notes can turn these answers into clear, lasting records — gentle notes of love and clarity. Because once they’re written down, you don’t have to worry about remembering every detail, and your parents can feel reassured that their voices will always be heard.
