Seriously Now: A Lighthearted Chat About Our Future

Making decisions about care for our loved ones is never easy. Recently, I had to decide whether to arrange a carer at home or to place my parents in a care home.

This got me thinking about what I would prefer for myself in a similar situation. The conversation I had with my husband on this topic turned into a fun and somewhat enlightening exploration of our differing views.

What If It Was Me?

Me over dinner: “If I ever get dementia, I definitely want to be in a care home.” 

Husband, looking puzzled: “Why? I will look after you at home.” 

Me, shaking my head: “No, I don’t want you to.” 

Husband: “But why not?” Me: “I want you to have your life. I don't want you to be stuck looking after me. Plus, professionals in care homes are trained for this.”

You Won’t Know Where You Are Anyway

Husband, ever the logical thinker: “But you won’t know where you are or who’s looking after you.” 

Me, pausing: “Even so, I feel it’s important to make my wishes known now, while I can.” Husband, leaning back thoughtfully: “I get your point, but I think I’d feel better knowing I was looking after you myself.”

What About What I Want?

This chat really highlighted a big part of future decisions: balancing wishes versus control and sense of duty. My husband’s desire to care for me came from love and responsibility. Meanwhile, my preference for a care home was all about ensuring he could keep living his life without being overwhelmed - and I like being around people!

Ulterior Motive?

Me, teasing: “So, you’re saying if I’m in a care home, you’d miss out on my delightful company?” 

Husband, chuckling: “Well, I suppose I’d miss our nightly debates over what to watch on TV.” 

Me, grinning: “And who would remind you where you left your keys?” 

Husband, laughing: “I’d probably end up spending more time in the care home visiting you than I would’ve spent caring for you at home.” 

Me: “I guess I need to find a care home with SkySports?”

Who Decides?

In the end, our discussion highlighted the importance of talking things through and understanding each other’s perspectives. While I have my preferences, his willingness to care for me at home was touching and deeply rooted in love. We didn’t settle on a final decision that night, but we did agree that having the conversation was crucial.

These discussions, no matter how tricky, are essential. They ensure that our loved ones know our wishes and can make informed decisions when the time comes. And sometimes, they even give us a chance to share a laugh and a moment of connection in the face of life’s uncertainties.

Very Important Notes

This did make me look at ideas on Very Important Notes and even if people ignore my wishes should the time come I can't decide, I'd like to feel that I’ve made my preferences clear! Making sure your wishes are known and documented can help loved ones make those tough decisions with confidence, knowing they are honouring what you wanted.

What can you do?

Of course this all depends on how strongly you feel about the issues that may arise and could cause conflict.    

Have the Conversation: As awkward as it might be, talk to your loved ones about your future care preferences. Make it a lighthearted discussion to ease the tension.

Write It Down: Document your wishes in an easily accessible and clear manner. Consider a living will or an advance directive.

Legal Backup: Make your wishes legally binding where possible if you really want to make sure they are adhered to. Consult a solicitor to ensure all your documents are in order and recognised by law.

Regular Updates: As life changes, so might your preferences. Revisit and update your documents and discussions regularly.

By taking these steps, you can ensure that your wishes are known and respected, providing peace of mind for you and your loved ones.